the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
