Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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