I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
