Sry I called you an 8
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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