I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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