; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
