Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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