i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You're like the curious george of whores
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can't put those talents on a resume
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
