you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
