Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
