You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
