i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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