All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
