she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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