I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
