No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
