i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
