Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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