At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
