that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
