The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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