Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
