girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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