People in love make me want to vomit
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
