he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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