Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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