mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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