final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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