shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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