dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
