You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Randomize
