his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
