watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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