found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
