Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The adults are the big ones right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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