Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
