Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
