he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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