How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
