he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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