You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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