So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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