if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
