im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
