Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Still dying that you shit outside
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
