New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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