I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
