it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just google imaged poop.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it was like eating out sand paper
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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