Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
