She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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