that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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