Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
