You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
