I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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